By Massimo Usai
A SHORT STORY IN THE MIDDLE OF MY MIND ABOUT A BROKEN HEART
Last December air was so cold, so he gets back into bed and lies next to her to warm his body with her body.
Been in bed with her is when he was most happy.
When she left for work in the morning, he gets separation anxiety.
I don’t think that was sane and normal, but that what was.
When she was beside him, she always calms him down just with her presence.
She spends hours hearing him out on all his worries, and she helps him make sense of everything.
My God, last year in December was very different.
He cooked her the dinner for Christmas and open a great bottle of red wine, and they eat the pudding they bought at the delicatessen at the end of the road early on the day.
After he makes the coffee and they were smiling, and they were happy.
He doesn’t want to grow old.
He doesn’t wish to reach 80 years old.
He doesn’t see the point anymore.
When he met one of his old lovers last night, he noticed she was glad to see him.
Was an excellent opportunity to put his mind away.
When you have a broken heart, your mind doesn’t respond very well.
He knew she still has a soft spot for him, a friend said to him last year.
He just smiled and walk away after few words.
Because her face comes out of his mind.
He is not the kind of man who tends to socialize when it is down or miss someone, so he just went home after a glass of wine with a close friend he found at the pub next to his flat.
At four of the morning, he found myself watching her pictures and thinking that he still loves her like yesterday and like always from the day she meets her at the concert.
“Everything will be going to fade,” people still saying to him, but I’m not sure they are correct, and they don’t know exactly how he feels.
Say “I love you; I love you; I love you; I love you” to someone else, make either no more sense to him.
The power of love is a curious thing.
Some man reacts weeping, and some sing all the time.
You don’t’ need an entire credit card to ride this train full of love.
It’s a beautiful trip, and it’s free.
Sometimes you feel happy, sometimes sad, and you could find yourself mad at some point.
You want to jump down from this life, but at the same time, you want to find a new love to burn yourself again.
So you hold strong your hands in this feeling, and you know you could be hurt.
But you still running. You have clear in your mind that is it your nature to run and to feel pain.
When finally, everything is cruel, you want just to die. But you don’t.
You start to think about the next step, and you feel you don’t’ have the straight to do another step.
You wished to grow old with her at one point, and now you don’t want to grow anymore.
You want to stop everything, and you put the limit of your life.
Start to wish, don’t become too old.
Definitely, you aren’t be programmed to be old one day, and as soon you realize that you will smile again.
You need just a new game; you feel it. Because you don’t play anymore because you are old, but you become old because you don’t play anymore.
He gets everything in his mind for days, weeks, and finally, one day, he comes out.
Went to the Cinema alone.
Watch a movie, an action movie, to keep is mind away.
They back on the street, walking in the middle of the people, watching them without hard feeling.
At one point, he decided to sit in a coffee place; he didn’t feel comfortable going inside a pub alone.
She was sitting there, with a big bag without shape next to her.
No phone on the table and just a block of notes where she was writing something, and the curiosity aren’t just for girls; either boy got it.
She was writing a list of her favourite movies.
She was supposed to send that list to some of her girlfriends, which he felt was a good argument to start a conversation.
A few hours later, they kiss, looking at the city from the terrace on the edge of the old town.
The evening shone with the starlight visible on that clear night.
The day after, they walk into the central town, have another coffee together, and play in the park and after to the Cinema.
They went to see “Motherless Brooklyn”, a modern “noir movie” at a fantastic old vintage cinema.
The decors were clear from the ’50.
He felt comfortable in that situation and didn’t shine to hold her hands during the movie for the first time.
When Thom York starts to sing the soundtrack, he finally understands that he was happy to play again this game called “love”.
He gets that he was going to finally stop the process from becoming old one more time again.
Life was smiling at him again.
His broken hart was just a far away memory.